Hello. I'm Jack Webb.
In a seedy orphanage in Hell's
Rec Room, Fairfax, a creepy, square
headed little boy named Marion Kvirschitzh recited filthy limericks for beer.
Graduating to Vaudeville and the Burlesque Houses, he changed his
name to "Johnny Cook" and won national fame as one of Arthur Godfrey's
Seven Little Pricks.
His transition to television in the oppressive 50's was short circuited
when he was blacklisted due to his communism, filthy material, and webbed
fingers. Wandering the "chitlin' circuit", Johnny cashed in on
the folk craze of the era. When his regional hit Worried landed him
a spot on the Jack Paar show, his comeback ended in disaster when he was
dragged offstage after he stopped mid-song and repeatedly screamed,
"Attention America - Hugh Downs is a Jew!"
Next came The British
Invasion, irrelevance, and Johnny's well documented spiral into
Bolivian Marching Powder
and more venereal diseases than the Korean Navy.
But now he's escaped from court-ordered rehab and is on the comeback trail! Performing