KICKASS RECORDS, Duke's Van, Methamphetamine, Ark. 10019.  President and CEO: Duke.  A&R Director: Duke.  Record company and  record producer.  We also sell previously owned car stereos.
How to Contact:  Call first.  Duke gets a little jumpy when strangers start snooping around.
Music:  Kickass.  Recently released, well ... we don't have any releases yet.  But several of our artists have appeared on Cops !
Tips:  Kick ass!
 

MEGASTAR INTERNATIONAL TALENT AGENCY, Box A, Rural Rte 3, Ku Klux Korners, Mo. 10019.  (555)555-5555.  President: Earl Wimmer.  Management firm, booking agency.  Established 1998.  Asks for commission, just in case lightning strikes.
How to Contact:  Submit demo tape by mail.  Unsolicited submissions are OK.  If seeking management, include photo and bio (NO BIG WORDS!).
Music:  Country, pop.  Acts include Earl Wimmer, Buck Wimmer, The Wimmer Sisters, Tony Orlando.
Tips:  Don't drink orange juice right after brushing your teeth.
 

CAGED BIRD PRODUCTIONS:  Box A, Rural Route 3, Stalingrad, Ma. 10019 (555)555-5555.  Management firm, progressive happening impresario.  Charges to each according to her or his abilities.
How to Contact:  Pledge to NPR or buy our rice cakes for peace.
Music:  Acoustic Folk, Storytellers, Cloggers, Mimes.  Acts include The Lori Berenson Players, Reparations Now!, Womyn Shrieking, The Greaseman.
Tips:  Don't sell your conscience to the multinational patriarchal war machine like that fascist, Garrison Keillor did! 
 

BLUE YONDER PRODUCTIONS:  Box A, Rural Route 3, Clear Lake, Io 10019 (555)555-5555.  Management firm, booking agency.  Charges 15% commission in advance.
How to Contact:  Should not be contacted until after a respectful interval.
Music:  Rock, blues, jazz.  Acts include Stevie Ray Vaughn, Rick Nelson, Richie Valens, and Glenn Miller.
Tips:  Take the bus.
 

HOMETOWN RECORDS:  P.O. Box 9, Skankton, Ky. 10019.  (555)555-5555.  President:  Betty Lynn Jones.  Record company and music publisher (Betty Loves Bob).  Releases one LP on occasion.
How to Contact:  Submit demo tape by mail.  Unsolicited submissions are OK.
Music:  Upbeat country.  Releases include My Husband, Right Or Wrong by Betty Lynn Jones, This is Line Dance Country by Betty Lynn Jones, and Watch Out For Smoky! by Betty Lynn.
Tips:  Smile!  Make demos clean, with vocals out front.  Make lyric sheets legible.  Never trust a Jew.
 

GOOD IS PLENTY RECORDINGIST:  12 Good is Tractor Circle, Brataslava, Slovakia. 011-42-7-55.  Record company, block leader.  Releases one 78 per beet harvest.
How to Contact:  Call.  I will arrange a time and place to meet.  Tell no one.
Music:  Rock.  Also techno. Recently released Tonight, the Potato is Prepared by We Are Not Hooligans.
Tips:  Do not draw attention.
 

WARNER / DREAMWORKS / MCA:  #1, Pantheon of the Gods, Brill Building, NY, NY, 10019, (212)555-5555.  President : David Geffen.  VP of A&R:  Bill Gates.  Sgt. at Arms: David Rockefeller.  Record company, publishing firm, management organization, member in high standing of The Conspiracy.
How to Contact:  Don't even think about it!  How dare you even consider bothering us?????
Music:  Everything you've heard since Martin & Lewis broke up.
Tips:  I'm serious.  You'd better not send us anything!  In fact, just put the book down now and contemplate how insignificant you really are.
 

BLIND ROY PUBLISHING:  Box A, Rural Route 3, Huff, WV 10019. President: Roy Langley.  Music publisher.  Established 1998.  Pays standard royalty.
How to Contact:  Submit demo tape by mail.  Unsolicited submissions are OK.
Music:  Rock.  Also country.  Recently published Gluetown Saturday Night, Disability Check Boogie, Common Law Bitch, and She Fell Down, all written by Roy Langley, recorded and soon to be released on Kickass Records by Jim Dandy Jr.
Tips:  Don't drink rubbing alcohol.
 

HOW GREAT THOU ART PUBLISHING: Box A, Rural Route 3, Plumber's Crack, Ga. 10019.  Music publisher.  Established 1968.  Pays standard royalty.
How to Contact:  Submit demo tape by mail.  Unsolicited submissions are OK.
Music:  Gospel, inspirational.   Also Rap.  Recently published My Shepard's Wisdom, written by Abe Sampson, recorded by The Gospel Knights and Bust da' Ho', written by Abe Sampson and recorded by Execution Style.
Tips:  Don't submit anything to Warner / Dreamworks / MCA.
 

GO 4 IT! PRODUCTIONS: Box A, Rural Route 3, Tumor Township, Pa. 10019 (210)555-5555.  Music publisher, record company, personal manager.
How to Contact:  Submit demo tape by mail.  Unsolicited submissions are OK.  If seeking management, include photo and bio.
Music: Who cares?
Tips:  Have that "special" song, a dream, determination, and the guts to "Go For It"... and you'll wind up as lonely and miserable as I am.
 
 

 The REAL Songwriter's Market