MEGASTAR INTERNATIONAL TALENT AGENCY, Box A, Rural Rte 3, Ku Klux Korners, Mo. 10019. (555)555-5555.
President: Earl Wimmer. Management firm, booking agency. Established
1998. Asks for commission, just in case lightning strikes.
How to Contact: Submit demo tape by mail.
Unsolicited submissions are OK. If seeking management, include photo
and bio (NO BIG WORDS!).
Music: Country, pop. Acts include
Earl Wimmer, Buck Wimmer, The Wimmer Sisters, Tony Orlando.
Tips: Don't drink orange juice right after
brushing your teeth.
CAGED BIRD PRODUCTIONS: Box A, Rural Route 3, Stalingrad, Ma. 10019 (555)555-5555.
Management firm, progressive happening impresario. Charges to each according
to her or his abilities.
How to Contact: Pledge to NPR or buy our rice
cakes for peace.
Music: Acoustic Folk, Storytellers, Cloggers, Mimes. Acts include The Lori Berenson Players, Reparations Now!,
Womyn Shrieking, The Greaseman.
Tips: Don't sell your conscience to the multinational
patriarchal war machine like that fascist, Garrison Keillor did!
BLUE YONDER PRODUCTIONS: Box A, Rural Route
3, Clear Lake, Io 10019 (555)555-5555. Management firm, booking agency.
Charges 15% commission in advance.
How to Contact: Should not be contacted until
after a respectful interval.
Music: Rock, blues, jazz.
Acts include Stevie Ray Vaughn, Rick Nelson, Richie Valens, and Glenn Miller.
Tips: Take the bus.
HOMETOWN RECORDS: P.O. Box 9, Skankton, Ky.
10019. (555)555-5555. President: Betty Lynn Jones.
Record company and music publisher (Betty Loves Bob). Releases one
LP on occasion.
How to Contact: Submit demo tape by mail.
Unsolicited submissions are OK.
Music: Upbeat country. Releases
include My Husband, Right Or Wrong by Betty Lynn Jones, This is
Line Dance Country by Betty Lynn Jones, and Watch Out For Smoky! by
Betty Lynn.
Tips: Smile! Make demos clean, with vocals
out front. Make lyric sheets legible. Never trust a Jew.
GOOD IS PLENTY RECORDINGIST: 12 Good is Tractor Circle, Brataslava, Slovakia. 011-42-7-55.
Record company, block leader. Releases one 78 per beet harvest.
How to Contact: Call. I will arrange
a time and place to meet. Tell no one.
Music: Rock. Also techno. Recently
released Tonight, the Potato is Prepared by We Are Not Hooligans.
Tips: Do not draw attention.
WARNER / DREAMWORKS / MCA: #1, Pantheon of the Gods, Brill Building, NY, NY, 10019, (212)555-5555.
President : David Geffen. VP of A&R: Bill Gates. Sgt.
at Arms: David Rockefeller. Record company, publishing firm, management
organization, member in high standing of The Conspiracy.
How to Contact: Don't even think about
it! How dare you even consider bothering us?????
Music: Everything you've heard since Martin
& Lewis broke up.
Tips: I'm serious. You'd better not send
us anything! In fact, just put the book down now and contemplate how
insignificant you really are.
BLIND ROY PUBLISHING: Box A, Rural Route
3, Huff, WV 10019. President: Roy Langley. Music publisher. Established
1998. Pays standard royalty.
How to Contact: Submit demo tape by mail.
Unsolicited submissions are OK.
Music: Rock. Also country.
Recently published Gluetown Saturday Night, Disability Check Boogie,
Common Law Bitch, and She Fell Down, all
written by Roy Langley, recorded and soon to be released on Kickass Records
by Jim Dandy Jr.
Tips: Don't drink rubbing alcohol.
HOW GREAT THOU ART PUBLISHING: Box A, Rural Route 3, Plumber's Crack, Ga. 10019. Music publisher.
Established 1968. Pays standard royalty.
How to Contact: Submit demo tape by mail.
Unsolicited submissions are OK.
Music: Gospel, inspirational. Also
Rap. Recently published My Shepard's Wisdom, written
by Abe Sampson, recorded by The Gospel Knights and Bust da' Ho', written
by Abe Sampson and recorded by Execution Style.
Tips: Don't submit anything to Warner / Dreamworks
/ MCA.
GO 4 IT! PRODUCTIONS: Box A, Rural Route 3, Tumor
Township, Pa. 10019 (210)555-5555. Music publisher, record company,
personal manager.
How to Contact: Submit demo tape by mail.
Unsolicited submissions are OK. If seeking management, include photo
and bio.
Music: Who cares?
Tips: Have that "special" song, a dream, determination,
and the guts to "Go For It"... and you'll wind up as lonely and miserable
as I am.